Yes, this kind of sucks.

Okay, I know that you’re not supposed to go back-to-back. Whatever.

You may or may not know that my travels back to the front range for Thanksgiving involved an eight and a half hour train ride from Grand Junction to Union Station in Denver. You also may or may not know that train rides across the state of Colorado can be quite scenic and that the conductors are known to point out things and make commentaries along the way. Kind of like airplane pilots—“If you’ll look out to your right you’ll notice…”

The thing that struck me about the conductor on my trip was the way he would tell us about upcoming points of interest. Even though he was the only one talking—clearly not carrying on a conversation with anyone—he was starting off most of his comments by answering “yes” to questions that no one was asking. He was frequently following what I call the “yes, yes, and yes” format.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, we are approaching the Moffat Tunnel. Yes, the tunnel is 6.2 miles long. Yes, it does accumulate a lot of built up exhaust from diesel fuel from freight trains. And yes, there are potential health risks to you the passengers if we do not completely seal off the openings to each car.”

Not too weird. Not too funny either. But what about when he starts answering “yes” to questions that no one would ever ask? (I’m not making this up…)

“Ladies and Gentlemen, we are approaching the community of Bond, Colorado. Yes, this is the area where much of the movie ‘Under Siege 2: Dark Territory’ was filmed. Yes, they also used Denver’s Union Station in the movie. And yes, that movie did star Steven Seagal.”



As if there is some die-hard Seagal fan sitting on the train looking out the window going “Hey, this looks familiar. Like really, really familiar…”

How about this:

“Ladies and Gentlemen, we are approaching the community of Bond, Colorado where the movie ‘Under Siege 2: Dark Territory’ was filmed. Yes, this movie was an absolute piece of shit. Yes, your only hope of finding it anywhere is on VHS tapes at the Mile High Flea Market. And yes, the Mile High Flea Market is eighty paved acres open weekends and Wednesdays.”

That’s all I got. Yes, it’s kind of a short post. Yes, it’s moderately funny at best. And yes, maybe you had to be there.