on getting carded.

What is it about purchasing alcohol or boarding a plane or basically any task that requires that a stranger look at my Driver's License that invites people to comment on my appearance? I haven't exactly been keeping a tally, but this has been happening with an increased frequency lately.

The stranger in question tells me that they like my hair better short.
While at first glance, this almost seems as a compliment... wait a second, a backhanded one. Clearly, I look nothing like this currently. Undoubtedly, I was more attractive in the past, dropping $35 every month to look like this:



I talk a big game, but I would love nothing more than to tell them they'd look better with their natural lip color instead of that phosphorescent crimson. It tends to be ridiculously hideous women with mustaches and curly fake nails that unleash this gem on me.


Thankfully, the man checking my ID when I was trying to re-enter the grand US of A from the Hell on Earth that is Tijuana (a land in which, by the way, my current appearance was deemed attractive by filthy salesmen who offered me free jewelry and Mexican boyfriends), wasn't nearly as particular with my appearance. Though I'm sure that anyone standing in The Line Ride for two hours looks the same: like shit. And nothing like their license.