Sword Stores

I am planning on going to graduate school in a couple of years to get my MBA. This may end up being a little way down the road, but I have already decided what my thesis will be titled: Don’t Open Sword Stores.

Sword stores are bad business decisions.

If you ever see a sign that says “Sword Shop” keep looking—you’re bound to also see a sign that says “For Lease” or “Space for Rent.” Weird huh? Wouldn’t you expect to hear nothing but sword store success stories? Well, unfortunately archaic weapons don’t sell like they used to. Believe it or not, people just don’t need swords, daggers, and nunchuks anymore. They don’t need wizard statues either. They can get their Zippos elsewhere.

Worst of all, should a person be in the market for a sword they need not seek out a sword store. They can acquire their weapon for pennies on the dollar. How? I think we all know how. As long as those long-winded bastards on QVC aren’t cutting themselves on live TV—so badly that they need “emergency medical care”—they will be more than willing to put together a nice little 47 knife package at a price that can’t be beat (sheaths included).

So right now I am going to carry a lawn-chair down to my car. I’m going to keep it there. And should I ever see a sword store that is actually in business, I am going to get my chair out. I’m going to sit there and I’m going to watch. My money says that within two days I will see a fat guy wearing a faux-silk dragon shirt and some pewter rings waddle out and paste a “going out of business” sign in his store window. Sword stores are bad business decisions.