I really wish angry mothers would shut the fuck up about the lead painted toys. It’s not like your kid is gonna turn into Mark fuckin’ Riggins because his Spongebob doll is coated in a thin layer of toxic shit. Look around bitches. Be worried that your kid is gonna get a 16 on is ACTs. Be worried that your kid is gonna need to drink martinis at the ripe age of 18 after a hard days work baking rolls at your local Texas Roadhouse. Be worried that your daughter is gonna get boned by her 30+ year old highschool psychology teacher…or gym teacher…or fondled by her tennis coach.
Be worried that your idiot fuckin’ son is gonna go from the kid with ear wax visibly draining from his ear to being infamously known as a bigot in Sports Illustrated or maybe stab someone. I talked to Matt about his near 10 year high school reunion and he said he was going to try and scheme a way to fake his own death. I don’t blame him.
There’s a lot bigger shit going down than the God damn lead.
To Hobos:
I recently overheard a woman in McDonalds on Colfax and Penn. get berated by some piece of shit homeless guy who happened to be black:
“All you white people think you’re fuckin’ better than us huh? You’za afraid of the blacks ain’t cha bitch”?
No. We’re afraid of you because we just saw you smoke a fuckin’ crack rock just outside the door. We’re afraid of you because it looks like you shit your pants, you’re frothing at the mouth, and your breath smells like you’ve been sucking on a piece of your poop laden pants. We’re afraid of you because you have nothing to lose and can only gain from your ass getting arrested.
Where’s Mike Sherman when you need a good butterfly knife?
“All you white people think you’re fuckin’ better than us huh? You’za afraid of the blacks ain’t cha bitch”?
No. We’re afraid of you because we just saw you smoke a fuckin’ crack rock just outside the door. We’re afraid of you because it looks like you shit your pants, you’re frothing at the mouth, and your breath smells like you’ve been sucking on a piece of your poop laden pants. We’re afraid of you because you have nothing to lose and can only gain from your ass getting arrested.
Where’s Mike Sherman when you need a good butterfly knife?
To Denver:
You suck too. Corey’s gotten mugged (and propositioned by a hooker hahaha). I’ve seen a gunfight. There’s a crack dealer two houses down, and it’s cold. What’s worse is that I don’t live in an area associated with scariness. I live in the damn gay district. I thought the swarms of people wearing those ‘oh so subtle’ white earbuds and beanie/ball caps would be the end of me but they’re the least of my concerns. Found out a while back that a month before I moved in someone was murdered in the parking lot behind my building. As in, less than 50 yards away from where I sleep. As in, one person KILLING another person. And about a month after I moved in, an attendant at the 16th street mall 7-11 (about 4 blocks away) was shot in the face.
I know there isn’t much of a point to this. But writing this out really felt good. That kind of good that is usually reserved for moments like holding Bip’s door closed with moving ties at 8 a.m. and playing your half-stack as loud as it’ll go. Or…video taping a covert snowball operation targeted at Mormons (Operation Mormon Hawk as I’ve dubbed it). I miss the smell of rotten Papa Johns and B.O.
Peace Out
1 comment:
right on.
Post a Comment